Transfer to a Relationship (Mother-Child) at Separation
Upon further reflection about male and female power it may be, or at least it strikes me as a possibility, that since male power is associated with separation anxiety at the age of 15–24 months, a possible underlying fear of a male child is partly related to separation from the family and the security that it affords. A major solution is identification with the father, whose primary role is the protection of the family, which leads to excitement integrated with the territorial imperative. In my sense, this implies that the male will only provide protection when and if he is boss. Foreshadowed by the expression of wanting and trying to be boss.
Female power is initiated earlier at individuation, yet not as intense as its male counterpart, and it more interestingly solved at separation. This leads to mother-daughter battles, which are resolved by identification with the mother, so the daughter will copy her role in providing security within the family. All of this results in a bifurcation of primary balance between security and excitement. This is better served by splitting these needs between male and female, and an evolutionary advantage to either one producing both. The conflict between male and female power comes from within the home, and sex is the bridge towards balance between the two powers. Thus, both security and excitement are provided.
While Oedipus is a good example of male conflict, and Electra of female conflict, the Greek legend of Medusa with her hair of snakes and Perseus with his sword exemplifies the struggle within a home. This has been interpreted by some as the snakes being pubic hair, and the men of stone being phallic erections. That would imply women have the power to emasculate men, and men have the power to cut Medusa’s head off.
Female power could be initiated at individuation before 18 months, and deal primarily with security, with the anxiety from individuation leading to caretaking in later life. At the toddler stage, in order to deal with the anxiety from the individuation, females could sexually attach themselves to both parents and assume a caretaking role. This gives them more security, and sets them up to be the providers of security in later life.
While the toddlers’ primary objects for anxiety and security are the parents, if those are some of the dynamics in very early life, ages 1–5, there is a re-awakening of similar issues in adolescence (after puberty). At this age, the primary objects for anxiety and security are their peers, and the competition for male power becomes very intense, with the goal of the best female(s); while the female power is used to secure the best male(s) they can get to protect them and their children. Of course, lust is needed to produce a bartering system to measure the amount of power each male and female have. This sets up a division of labor, with males’ most important role being in the present to protect the family, and that apparently has evolved as the territorial imperative, which is also the most exciting. The female has evolved through nine months of pregnancy, with her primary role in toddlership, where security is of the essence, and the excitement of the couple is through sex. This leads the female role to be concerned with the future (especially through the children). Evolution has also seemed to favor a dyadic division of labor, 1.- Present in excitement, and 2.- Security in the future. To accomplish this dynamic system it appears that it is necessary to cement a romantic relationship between the male and female through sex and love.
I have always been fascinated by the two methods for marriages to come about. One is through the future participants’ choice, which in the West seems to be the preferable method. Secondly, in parts of the East (i.e. India, Japan, Korea that I know of) arranged marriages are most common among the elite. The divorce rate in India, for example, is a paltry 1% while in the U.S. it is 50%. It appears that sex leads to trust and romantic loving relationships much more often, and/or our parents know much better than we do who we should marry. I surmise that the out of control elements of the sex act are equivalent to breaking the rules of regular society with your partner in that act, which is a powerful basis for trust, leading to love and romance. In situations where there is shame, fear, excitement, or sharing of pain, closer relationships most often occur. As a person interested in group therapy, I contend that this is the basis for the power of the group. What evolution favors is evidence of a preferred evolutionary method.
